Depressing…Somehow as the final exam getting nearer, my depression is just like pimples, starting to come out one by one,
I blame myself for not being hardworking while I am lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling.
I blame myself for wasting my time loitering in my SMALL room walking from one end to another end, doing nothing but staring at my room mate studying.
I blame myself for being not open enough to accept people who they are.
I blame myself for getting 5.5 over 10 marks for my CAD manual test. What a bummer… while my other course mates got 9.5, 9.0, 8.5, I start to have the feeling of being inferior to them already.
What is 5.5? This is totally unacceptable for a STPM student! Somehow, I can imagine my brother’s furious face when I took the result.
While others were happily chatting away, I isolated myself in my own self pity world, devouring the cheerful, happy go lucky me.
Yes, it is time for me to be serious. I should not wander my soul around in the lecture class anymore. I must pay more attention in class.
Yeah right, better to be said than to be done…I hate myself…T.T
My brother actually called me just now. What he said actually hit me in the head. I should not lying on the bed, trying to avoid myself from all the problems. I should get up and start doing something!
But now, I really need to have a cry to cry out all the depression that is accumulating in me. Wow…imagine the negative chakra building up in me…-_-lll See? Now I am talking like a bloody hippy…
I miss my friends at secondary school…at university no doubt I have great friends but somehow I miss someone who really understands how I feel… well, actually through out my 20 years of life, I think I have found one who truly knows how I feel and that person really knows how to cheer me up. This person will be treasured by me since that person is like a floating boat that drift in front of me when I am lost in the big blue sea, dehydrating.
Well, except for this person, you all are also important to me. When you all call me, it really cheers me up, making me feel that at least I am still in your heart…^^ I really appreciate that. Really! XD
I miss you all. I am breaking up into pieces now in UM… after getting in UM for so long, this is the very first time I feel like crying… Sigh… I hate the vulnerability of myself…ARGH!! *bites anything that comes into view…*


Written by,
Mentally breaking down?
CP

Sigh...

I have been looking at the monitor screen for over 2 hours. My eye balls are starting to dehydrate and the weather is bloody damn hot. And, I am finally back from UM and having the time to update my blog…

Long time no see my friends!!!*Runs and hugs whoever is reading this post!!! XO* Sob…giving you guys the usual ‘I come in peace’ alien hand sign…sob…can’t imagine how much I miss you all!

Life at university was hectic. Everyday running here and there, the homework seem to like to pile up to become a small mountain that threatens to collapse on me if I turn my back on them and runs off happily to go and have fun. Somehow, I just don’t understand why my room mate that takes 16 credit hours seems to be freer than me! Bloody hell! I am now taking 15 credit hours and I am on the brink of collapsing already. Can’t imagine what will happen if I get 16 credit hours next sem. I bet the next time you all see me will not recognize me because I will decorate my head with a whole lot of wigs that looks like bird’s nest…due to the fact that my hairs will drop off in a tremendous rate. Maybe faster than chemical reaction T.T

Darn, even the jokes that I try to make doesn’t sound funny at all…I have lost my touch!!!!!*hides in the corner…*

Anyway, how are the others going on? I only know the latest news of some of you. Well, how bout the others? Anyone cares to lighten up this old granny here?

Today, went out with SARA~~!!! YAHOOOOOO~~ long time no see her Liao…miss her so much!><>

Guess what movie we watched? Hehe~ it is “Secret”~~ to prevent myself for being a spoiler, all I can say is that Jay Chou is a damn talented person. This is a movie that he directed by himself and he is the one who wrote the script…cool huh? In the whole movie, the part that I love the most is the last part. That particular last part I really cried in the cinema…Pai seh~ XP touching…now listening to the music will also get touched…sigh…am I getting older already? So easy to get touched… the sceneries were wonderful! When I watched it, I feel like going into the movie and feel the warm sun and cool breeze.

It seems like a long time since I get to enjoy the wonderful gift that mother earth is providing me everyday. Everyday in uni, I never looked up at the sky and day dream. Because the pace of the others are too fast. Without running with them, I will be left behind, all alone.

In the uni, I never stand alone at the balcony; feel the night air and cold breeze caressing my face. Because I am stuck in the study room, trying to finish every assignment that has come to a deadline. Even if there is no assignment, I will have to revise on the subjects that I am weak in (which is all…T.T)

I never look at rainy days anymore.

I never write beautiful words anymore.

I never read fantasy or romance novel anymore.

I never have a great laugh just because I just feel like laughing anymore.

I never stand alone and look at the sceneries around me anymore.

I never have the time to reply letter anymore.

I feel trapped.

I feel that I am going to cry anytime now if I type anymore.

Therefore, my dears, I have to stop now.

Or else, missing you all and having the self-pity emotions will drown me in no time.

I wish to stay my head above the water as long as I can.

Without your jokes and caring to float me up above the water,

All I can do now is the try to float by myself.

My dears, hopefully that we can float by our own by no time and learn to swim to each other in the future,

I can’t wait till the day we meet again…

Written by,

A bit Siao + down

CP

P/S: I am going to open a new blog at friendster. Feel free to drop by when you are near there…Muacks! Love you all! ^^