Depressing…Somehow as the final exam getting nearer, my depression is just like pimples, starting to come out one by one,
I blame myself for not being hardworking while I am lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling.
I blame myself for wasting my time loitering in my SMALL room walking from one end to another end, doing nothing but staring at my room mate studying.
I blame myself for being not open enough to accept people who they are.
I blame myself for getting 5.5 over 10 marks for my CAD manual test. What a bummer… while my other course mates got 9.5, 9.0, 8.5, I start to have the feeling of being inferior to them already.
What is 5.5? This is totally unacceptable for a STPM student! Somehow, I can imagine my brother’s furious face when I took the result.
While others were happily chatting away, I isolated myself in my own self pity world, devouring the cheerful, happy go lucky me.
Yes, it is time for me to be serious. I should not wander my soul around in the lecture class anymore. I must pay more attention in class.
Yeah right, better to be said than to be done…I hate myself…T.T
My brother actually called me just now. What he said actually hit me in the head. I should not lying on the bed, trying to avoid myself from all the problems. I should get up and start doing something!
But now, I really need to have a cry to cry out all the depression that is accumulating in me. Wow…imagine the negative chakra building up in me…-_-lll See? Now I am talking like a bloody hippy…
I miss my friends at secondary school…at university no doubt I have great friends but somehow I miss someone who really understands how I feel… well, actually through out my 20 years of life, I think I have found one who truly knows how I feel and that person really knows how to cheer me up. This person will be treasured by me since that person is like a floating boat that drift in front of me when I am lost in the big blue sea, dehydrating.
Well, except for this person, you all are also important to me. When you all call me, it really cheers me up, making me feel that at least I am still in your heart…^^ I really appreciate that. Really! XD
I miss you all. I am breaking up into pieces now in UM… after getting in UM for so long, this is the very first time I feel like crying… Sigh… I hate the vulnerability of myself…ARGH!! *bites anything that comes into view…*
Written by,
Mentally breaking down?
CP
I blame myself for not being hardworking while I am lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling.
I blame myself for wasting my time loitering in my SMALL room walking from one end to another end, doing nothing but staring at my room mate studying.
I blame myself for being not open enough to accept people who they are.
I blame myself for getting 5.5 over 10 marks for my CAD manual test. What a bummer… while my other course mates got 9.5, 9.0, 8.5, I start to have the feeling of being inferior to them already.
What is 5.5? This is totally unacceptable for a STPM student! Somehow, I can imagine my brother’s furious face when I took the result.
While others were happily chatting away, I isolated myself in my own self pity world, devouring the cheerful, happy go lucky me.
Yes, it is time for me to be serious. I should not wander my soul around in the lecture class anymore. I must pay more attention in class.
Yeah right, better to be said than to be done…I hate myself…T.T
My brother actually called me just now. What he said actually hit me in the head. I should not lying on the bed, trying to avoid myself from all the problems. I should get up and start doing something!
But now, I really need to have a cry to cry out all the depression that is accumulating in me. Wow…imagine the negative chakra building up in me…-_-lll See? Now I am talking like a bloody hippy…
I miss my friends at secondary school…at university no doubt I have great friends but somehow I miss someone who really understands how I feel… well, actually through out my 20 years of life, I think I have found one who truly knows how I feel and that person really knows how to cheer me up. This person will be treasured by me since that person is like a floating boat that drift in front of me when I am lost in the big blue sea, dehydrating.
Well, except for this person, you all are also important to me. When you all call me, it really cheers me up, making me feel that at least I am still in your heart…^^ I really appreciate that. Really! XD
I miss you all. I am breaking up into pieces now in UM… after getting in UM for so long, this is the very first time I feel like crying… Sigh… I hate the vulnerability of myself…ARGH!! *bites anything that comes into view…*
Written by,
Mentally breaking down?
CP
posted by Chuan Ping @ 12:04 AM
2 Comments:
At 2/01/2008 11:11:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
Poke. Poke.
Its me. feli. It has been really long since I came over to your blog. Been caught up with life and work. I've finished my diploma in archi. Working for the current moment.
I couldn't agree more when life tends to suck when it comes to competition. Well theres another chapter of life when it sucks even more when your depressed. Im going through depression aswell, but I'm trying real hard to let things go. About the mistakes I've done. I've regretted. I'm lucky to have a bunch of friends to keep supporting me from my back to keep me moving on.
I know you will miss secondary school friends, which I oftenly will do too. I wished aswell that things could be as simple in secondary school.. but apparently its not.
Just cry while you can still cry. Its a privilage to cry..
:) best of luck. feli
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