Sometimes, I hate my life.

I think I am being a pathetic scullery maid for these few days. Mum is finally having the energy to critize on what I do and always complain what I did not do. And most of it, she finally became ungrateful. I know that the way I speak of her is very very bad and treacherous, since I am suppose to sing and hailed on that "Mothers are the greatest creature! We must treasure them!"
But, Unfortunately, I am not that good after all. Just had a fight with her. I was like usual, came down and before I started to prepare dinner, I teased the youngest and the spoiled little brat. I only touched her face with my wet hands and she went bizerk and yell.
Like always, the youngest is always right and I got the scolding which sounds like this
"She having a cold! Don't bully her!"
I was like WTH?! Having a cold and a touch of my wet hands will make it worst? For God's sake! If she is really that ill, she is the one who is suppose to be blamed. She didn't recorvered from her last sickness and now she is suffering another. Spoiled brat.
I was angry for getting scold and went to the kitchen to prepapre that bloody dinner. And then, after I have prepared everything, oils in Kuali, holding the "spade" like my shield, she shouted and said "There are only 3 ppl eating, do you need to cook so much?"
I stood there and shouted back and said:" You should have told me earlier! Only after I put the oil into the kuali only then you say!"
It turns out she, scolding me, feeling pathetic for herself because she have to yell to me evnethough she had a wound at her stomach.
Whatever!
I went to the front, got my scolding and here I am, feeling that I hate my life.
She is still now nagging that I never help her in the bloody household and I never mop the floor and BLAH BLAH BLAH! Damn it. Sometimes I think I am the maid among the siblings.
I know that she is having a hard time and this is the time for her to relax and enjoy her 2 months no working holiday.
And I confess that I am not helping much since after a few days of cooking meals for them, I feel exhausted and somehow, I cannot do much in the school or in the house. I feel saturated.
But, condeming me is making me feel like I am a bloody maid which they get it from somewhere in Indonesia(Since I am the dark colour freak). I hate my life.
Among the siblings, who had ever helped her in the kitchen? Who had helped her most frequent in the house? Geez. I WONDER!
Sometimes, I hate my life.'
God, I sometimes even had the thought that Hmm...why suffer from studying? Why don't you packed your bloody bag and go to USA and become a wealthy, shallow little maid?" Sometimes, I really wonder....
I know that I am not a good entertainer and I am very very sure that I always bottle up all my grumbles when facing my parents, or sometimes, friends.
Part of the reason is that I am an arrogant little brat that will never tell you I am hurt or I am angry with you. I will just kick you far far away, and, maybe someday when I feel better, I maybe will pick you up and bring back home. Hah!I think sometimes people thinks that I am a very selfish little brat. And I admit it. I am a selfish little brat~let's celebrate for that huh?
I still have 43 more days to endure this stupid housework thing. well, it will be so damn FUN!
Darn it. Have I ever tell you that my dream was to get out from this house?
I think that sometimes, I wanted to be rich and leave the house and will only visit them when I am free.
I am not a good daughter.
And guess what? My mother confronted me again and told me to control my bloody temper. Ok, I will control, but does she know that this irritation have been bottle up for a few damn days?
I cannot do my homework cause I am exhausted. I cannot concentrate. Even if I had sleeps, I still cannot do it. Damn it.
I know. I will just grab a guy and married off. Great. What a wonderful idea. Don't you think so? Well, I think that is a great idea, since I think I am destined to be the stupidest amongst the siblings and the most irritated one among them.
Sometimes, I hate my life and my spoiled little sister.
I hate a spoiled little childrens. Sorry to offend anyone, but I hate them now.
They are bloody spoiled children by their mother, and a little yell will make their mother rushing towards them. It is not fair.
I had read something in the book and it says that middle children are always self-centered.
Sometimes, I think I am like that.
I don't know...I am feeling very very unhappy now. Damn mother's day. I never give her present. Even in her birthday. Cause I know I am the rebellious child and oh yeah. I never bother to buy present for someone. that is if the someone is really important to me and I have the time to buy present for them.
Note: I am a bad daughter and I know it. Critize me as much as you want. But, learning to manja to my parents are difficult. Learning to love them, I am trying hard right now.
At least I know if the next day I am not going to see them, I will cry my head out. (Touchwood. and CHOI!)
But, it seems so hard for me to endure all this scoldings for helping out. they should be grateful that I am willing to help, instead of scolding them, telling them off that they are not doing houseworks.